I am installed in Knoxville for the time being. I must say, I don’t really like it. I am not really a city person, and Knoxville is very hot, very crowded, and too spread out to get anywhere easily without a car. I like to visit the city, but it’s not my style for living.
I spent four hours at Michaels on Monday, trying to learn what I don’t actually want to learn. It’s not that it’s terribly difficult or complicated or anything like that, but I feel a little useless, the most overqualified part time cashier there. I haven’t been back since Monday, but I work tomorrow and Saturday, for six hours each. I am not looking forward to it but I have to do something.
Friday afternoon my sister left for the weekend and my mother came that evening. She found this ghost walk in the center or Knoxville, which unfortunately started at 10pm. I was a little excited because I like ghost tours, but this one turned out to be really cheesy. We were handed K2 meters, told how to take pictures, and walked around to six or seven locations where the guide kept looking at the digital photos and saying “Orbs! We’ve got some great orbs in this picture!” Apparently dust and bugs are not in her vocabulary.
Saturday we went to see Men in Black 3, which was fun but I felt somewhat darker than the first (and the second was stupid so I don’t count it). The bad guy was really creepy.
Sunday we just hung around all day, until I got gussied up and went to a friend’s wedding over at the Bleak House. It was incredibly hot, and we had to face into the sun during the ceremony, but it was also a short ceremony and we moved down more out of the sun fairly quickly. I didn’t know anybody outside of the bride’s family, but it was nice to see them. It was a really beautiful setting, too. I thought it was really funny that the father of the bride recognized me the first time around while the stepfather of the bride, whose house I basically haunted from seventh through maybe ninth or tenth grade, did not. And now there is yet another Sadie in my circle of friends.
The other stuff? I have been emotionally crappy all week. I am not good with change, and I HATE not knowing what is going to happen to me. I have been feeling like I have very little control over my life. Also I am sharing an extremely small apartment with my sister, which has so little natural light it is like living in a cave. I now wait until around eight, when it’s a little cooler outside, to go for a walk. It helps to get outside, even if its only for twenty or thirty minutes.
But. I am trying to even myself out, keep an even keel and an open mind. I know that I have to go through the bad stuff to get to the good. And I have given myself a timeframe of just through the summer to stay here.
In the meantime, I am applying to library positions that I am at least minimally qualified for, and crossing my fingers. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I am trying to have the patience to see it all through.